


Different than others

by AydeePraysForDahmer



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blood, F/M, Hacker Reader, Hurt No Comfort, Hux is Not Nice, Mitaka doesnt like her, Reader Is Badass, Violence against women, but Captain Phasma does, sometimes, until Hux appears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:10:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AydeePraysForDahmer/pseuds/AydeePraysForDahmer
Summary: For them, I am only a private.Nothing.But I am fearless and proud. Smarter than they thought.But they need me and that´s why they came to me for help.And then, everything fucked up because of him...That´s when I started to feel something like...fear.





	Different than others

**Author's Note:**

> So...  
> Hello there.  
> Because I read almost every Armitage Hux/Reader story in AO3, I decided to write something by myself too. For you, guys.  
> But I have to warn you.  
> ENGLISH IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE!  
> Expect many mistakes but I hope you will understand everything I wanted to write.  
> I would be glad for a feedback. Let me know what do you think about it! 
> 
> (or just correct my stupid english, meh)

,,Alright, sit down."

  
Lieutenant Mitaka instructed me and I obeyed without a doubt.  
In our ranks, we heard how he could easily get to the cross with Commander Ren, but he was mostly obedient to how he was afraid of him. On the other hand, I can not blame him. I would also be afraid of him. I have never been able to see the Commander. And seeing face-to-face with Mitaka is also quite a bomb. He was as tall as me, with a round face and the same serious expression as the rest of the ship.

  
,,Private, (L / N). You were originally supposed to be a stormtrooper, but you were granted an exception for your mechanics and systems capabilities. "

He read the folder he had before him on his datapad without looking at me.

  
,,You could have been promoted, but there were some events that totally rejected the possibility."

  
And here we are ... I knew he was dragging me here because of this. I did not look at him, but instead on the wall beside me. I wished that this was over, and I could go back to do my job.

  
,,A year ago, you attacked a few of your ranks on the condition that you were provoked by them, which, according to the witnesses, was ultimately not true."

  
I could try to defend myself and make it clear that everything written about it was not true and they threw it fools to me, but it would not help. No one believed me.

  
,,You were exposed to medications on the orders of the psychiatrists you refused to take, you refused to communicate with them, and then with others, you even attacked one of the lieutenants and got into the Finalizer systems ..."

  
When he named it so suddenly, I began to realize how I had to look. As a complete problem girl, it would be better to just clear it.  
The lieutenant fool, that he mentioned started to provoke too. He had nasty cues for a girl from us and I decided to defend her. Then it did not matter to my version of the story or hers. He just threw it on me that I was aggressive. And that thing with the system was true. I needed to find out where the bastard often went to help the girl avoiding those places. It was not the first time that he had gone after her.

  
,,Captain Phasma has a different opinion. Still, everything has left you an authorized bridle, letting you manage ships, weapons, and everything else, for your intelligence and even coding, which is really admirable, but you might have told her many things ... These components prove your self-destructive and aggressive behavior, and the way how are you looking at me right now isn´t helping. "

  
Mitaka looked up from the folders and looked at me directly. Nothing could have been read from the way how he was looking at me. Yeah, I wanted to punch that arrogant jerk, but obviously I'm not so good at camouflage. I am not accustomed to retreat and to fear. That could at least be appreciated by them. How many times have I wanted to add to the other stormtroopers and beat out all the anger, but the doctors refused it. Stupid doctors, who invented something and poured into me pills that just made me sick no matter how many times I told them clearly.

  
,,Now you're wondering why now. You have the lowest rank, you will not get higher, but your abilities in coding and algorithms are more than admirable. So much so that some of the higher officers were interested ... and even General Hux.

  
_Holy shit._

  
,,Such abilities are welcome right there. You could break into First Order systems, so you can do more. And I think you know that too. Do not expect any promotion, just a change of environment. "

  
No, nothing like that. I don´t want to go somewhere between them. I know very well how arrogant those people are and how harsh their punishments can be. I like the environment where I am. I don´t always agree with the others, but it was my passion. Ships, weapons, raking in the system. They do not even know how many hacker attacks I've blocked them and how many settings I have modified in their silly system. Someone would be interested in this, but I certainly don´t.

  
,,With all due respect, Lieutenant, but no. No, this is not a good idea, and I think you agree with me. I'm not interested in crawling around you and ... those up there. I like where I am. "

  
Mitaka smiled.

,,Yes, you are right about that. I do not agree, but the decision is not up to me or you. It is a direct order, and if you do not intend to submit it, it may have bad consequences. "

  
I held my hands in fists. Perhaps he was not happy that I, the irrelevant and utterly dispensable soldier, would get in between them, but he was glad I was a little upset with it.

  
,,Or we can solve it with a reconditioning."

  
I swallowed. That might not be so bad, but will it help me somehow? Definitely not.

  
,,You can choose and according to your silence and face expression I think that reconditioning is not your choice. Well, tomorrow at eight o'clock. And I'd be glad if you'd even ... adjusted your uniform. "

  
Now I wanted to smile. If Mitaka was angry about something, it was the style we sometimes, the soldiers, wore uniforms. Because we rarely encountered the others, we just had our shirts tied around the waist, girls did not wear tied hair, just like me right now. I was not that bad when I just had a little more open shirt and nothing under it, but some jerks did not even wear trousers down there, but fortunately they had something underneath. But we were just making a fun of it. But someone like Mitaka managed to be totally upset about it but the others got used to our behavior. Only, if General Hux havent been in a hangar. That's why rather run away.

  
,,I do not really know what Phasma or Hux see in you, but just between us, I'd like to shut you down to the darkest cell here on the board and let you down there."

  
I snapped my lips and looked at Mitaka's eyes. I had such a suspicion that he was going to be a nanny to me, and I decided to make it even worse to him and perhaps he will throw me back down where I belong and where I wanted to be.  
"You can go, Private," he said quietly.  
With no further words, I rose steeply, literally jumping across the chair on which I was sitting sat and ran out of the room. The door immediately closed behind me and, with my head down, I walked through the corridors to avoid any eye contact with other officers. As soon as I was alone in the corridor, I ran back to the hangar and suppressed the urge to yell and break everything around me.

 

 

...

  
If the others of hangar congratulations to me? No, not by chance. They were sorry for me and told me that it would be good, but it definitely will not help me. I also had the urge to go to Captain Phasma and tell her I'd rather sweep the toilets on the entire Finalizer than to deal with those fuckers on the bridge, but then I picked myself up and said I will not cry like a child. Maybe it will not be so bad. How much do they have to be thrilled, that they must ask for help from someone in the lowest ranks. How stupid they have to be. I was really grateful. So until I had to see Mitaka's face again. As soon as he had seen me about five minutes after eight o'clock in the morning, he was red from anger when he found out that I had nothing to do with my uniform, but even pulled my sleeves off on my work suit.

  
,,You´re late, private!" He snapped at me as he waited in the corridor.

  
,,And also, you look terrible. Have you been sleeping at all? "

  
I did not answer and followed him. No answers were required. The truth was I slept for about an hour. I spent the rest of the night searching for some dirt on Mitaka in the system, which I will use in the future if he will try something on me, but unfortunately I found nothing acceptable. Either they have a really inaccessible system, which is only a matter of time when I break it or he is really an angel. Everyone must have some secrets, but I felt bad again that I was searching for it.  
I've never gotten into these corridors. A couple of lieutenants were staring at me when they saw me, but I did not care. In my head, I played different scenarios about what I would have to do to prevent it from collapsing on the bridge. Not because I'm afraid, but the blast of negative energy from their stupidity will not do me well on my brain cells.  
Before I could recover from my wicked thoughts, the door that led us straight to the bridge opened in front of us. My other idea was that I needed a drink.  
It was not equal to the hangar, which was four times larger, but that view of the space, and the design was breathtaking. I rolled around like a little kid who could not believe his own eyes, and Mitaka was dragging me into the middle, where was General Hux.  
I don´t know why, but when I saw him I couldn´t look into his eyes. I just couldn´t. I wouldn´t say I was afraid, but I simply didn´t want to see another contemptuous expression. All I knew was that he looked at me, but didn´t have any remarks on my appearance.

  
,,You are well oriented in the network and you know all the branches in the system. I am confident that you will break through a couple of barriers that have arisen here and prove that Captain Phasma is not mistaken in you, "Hux said, looking directly at me.

  
My head was down all the time, and for a moment I looked up to let him know I was listening to him.

  
,,Is that clear?" he said more strictly.

  
,,Absolutely, sir. Um, could you just-. "

  
I scrambled around them to look around all the computers. Now it was just me and the devices. I concentrate only on this.  
I immediately knew the main computer, but I didn´t need that one. Only one of those smaller ones.

  
,,Which of these computers may I use?" I asked, without looking at one of them.

  
,,Lieutenant Mitaka´s, of course," said Hux. Mitaka showed me it and I sat down.

  
This was not the small screen I used in my dark room. This was the.... airport. Huge screen with many options, approaches, and permissions. I would get with this on the ship. Or someone got here.  
I took a breath, put my fingers on the keyboard and fell into my world. But I still miss one more thing. I scraped in my pocket and took out that little killer.

  
,,... you ... you can´t be serious, private," Mitaka hissed as I lit a cigarette, shrugged, ignoring him, expecting General Hux to start screaming at me but no one spoke, and as I found out, Hux was just behind me. Interesting, but I did not even worry about it.

  
I got into the computer and it was only a question of hearing that sweet sentence.

  
,,I had a password!"

  
I threw a bored look at him and continued to work.  
I found the ciphers that were to lead to a few maps. I did not know where they came from or who was the source. That was quite a stone of accident. How can we put trust into the source?

  
,,Where are the codes from? Who found it? "I asked politely.

  
,,Of course I do," Mitaka replied.

  
I did not say anything and continued on. And then...

  
,,Damn!"

  
I ran out of place and almost dropped Mitaka to the ground. I reached the main computer, and the lieutenant who was sitting at him looked at me in surprise.

  
,,Disconnect it. Right now, " I said, instead of looking at Huxe, he nodded, and the computer then disconnected and one of the threats was gone, and I went back to my original computer and attached a small disk that contained a program to block hacker attacks.

  
,,Can you explain what that means?" Hux asked impatiently.

  
,,Those codes were the virus. The one who gave it to expected that when you tried to decrypt, they would go to the main computer and drop the system. Along with him, he would erase all the data, and maybe everything would collapse, "I said, without looking up the screen and trying to block the attack.

  
,,That´s not possible." Mitak stuttered, staring at the screen as Hux.

  
,,How much trustworthy was that resource, Lieutenant?" The general asked, and Mitaka only sighed, a sufficient answer and a clear proof that he had done so well.  
It only took a moment. Years of experience helped me and the virus was destroyed.

  
,,Good work, Private," Hux said, and I just sat in a surprise and wondered if I had heard it well.  
I heard the door open and looked back. A tall figure in black hood and mask came in. I swallowed and turned quickly back to the screen. Holy shit, the others will not believe me down there.

  
,,I heard some rumors about the virus being on the ship."  
Kylo Ren's voice was all over the room, and the atmosphere around was suddenly frosty.

  
,,Only Lieutenant Mitaka doesn´t know how to use computers."  
There was a quiet laugh, but it was impossible to identify who was it in the room. I also wanted to smile, but then I realized the words came from me and it was not just in my head.  
I squinted at my eyes and slowly turned back to the Commander who was looking directly at me. At that moment, I felt I was not breathing.

  
,,So you are the proof that everyone are useless here?"

  
I did not know if I could sink somewhere deep into the hole or smile. I did not say anything at all and I just sat motionless. But the Commander did not say more, and instead he turned and left. It was obviously not only me, but the rest of the crew on the bridge. I had such a feeling that my work was over for today, and I wanted nothing more than to go back to the hangar.  
I wanted to ask the general if he would let me go, but once I looked at him, I was not able to give a single word. Suddenly I felt so weird. What's happening to me? I've never been afraid of anything, but here it's different. I thought it was only Kylo Ren, but it was actually Hux, why I was so nervous.  
He looked at me directly and with a look in which, however, there was no anger or contempt ... nothing I knew. And that's what I'm afraid of, because in the years I met from the different human emotions that were mostly against me, it did not look like one.

  
,,You can go, private ... for now," he said quietly.

  
I rose slowly, otherwise I would risk falling to the ground. I went carefully and as soon as I climbed out and the door closed behind me I lit myself and did not care what the others were thinking about me.  
I don´t want to come back here. No way.

 

 

 

...

 

  
,,(Y / N)! You've been up there for more than half a day! You have to eat something! "Liz screamed at me while I was scrambling in the TIE fighter engine, which someone devastated so much that it was scarcely tossed in.

I fell in love with it, and I did not care how long it took me or how well it would go. I was alone and it was giving to me a sense of calm. I was in my environment. I belong here.

  
,,Thanks, but I don´t want to."

  
,,All right, but careful. Hux is somewhere nearby. "

  
I didn´t hear the last sentence and I haven´t worried about what was going on about another half an hour. When I tried to get the engine back after that time, there was the sweet sound that said clearly: I was reborn.

  
,,Cool! Hey, Liz! "I exclaimed, gracefully jumping out of the TIE fighter and falling to the floor.

  
When I looked up, it wasn´t Liz standing in front of me, but Hux himself. And it seemed he had been here for a while. _Fuck..._

  
,,Hello there, Private," he said quietly, looking at me.

  
,,General Hux. What a surprise, "I replied without a hint of hostility, and then it came again, the nasty feeling in my chest.

  
,,You were not on the bridge today," he said just by the way, coming closer to the TIE fighter and looking at it.

  
,,I had a lot of work ..." I answered uncertainly.

  
,,Well, of course ..." he said sarcastically, circling me from the other side.

  
,,But I have to admit that you are doing great work on your behavior."

I was trying to burn off some pretty offensive remark, but that would be a clear way to the grave in General Huxe's case. I abstained from anything like that and tried to act with discipline. This really didn´t fit me.

  
,,I belong here. Anyone would complain, but I don´t. "

  
He looked directly at me and kept my eyes from me. I made it clear to him about the work between them, but he did not look offended.

  
,,I've read your file, (Y/N). Anyone else would be thrown away with your behavior and past, but you are an exception. And honestly... I'm glad there was no such thing. It would be a shame ... "

  
I put my nails in my palm. If I wanted only one thing now, it would be for this conversation to be behind us. I would have liked it if it sounded sarcastic like this ... and I don´t think I know how it means. This can not be praised.

  
,,According to Captain Phasma, you are pretty fearless and peculiar, but when I talk to you here, you look pretty uncertain. Are you afraid of me? "

  
What kind of question is that? Sure I'm afraid of you. I have no idea what do you want from me Hux, but I'm afraid.  
But I refused to admit it, and instead I was silent silent and looking away, not at him.

  
,,I have a feeling you're not honest with me (Y / N)."

  
It seemed to me that my palms had begun to bleed. I couldn´t say a single reasonable word. I was terribly fucked up. I never had to talk to General Hux and now suddenly...I had to.

  
,,I think about you the same."

  
The sentence came out of me suddenly, and I immediately embraced it. I looked into his eyes, and instead of a shout followed by an amused smile. Yet there was something dark in him. Something I didn´t see and couldn´t identify.

  
,,You're right. I was looking for you. That's all true. You are not like others. "

  
I got back my self-confidence and tried to use it. What more can he do to me?

  
,,What do you think I am, except for the stupid and common soldier, sir?"

  
Hux suddenly surpassed a greater distance between us than I expected, and was so close to me that it wasn´t normal. But I didn´t resign.

  
,,For such words, I would punish someone immediately, but with you ... it´s different, (Y/N)."

  
It dried up in my mouth and I couldn´t even swallow. I lowered my head, but he caught me under my chin and forced me to look into his eyes.

  
,,Don´t use that too much. Otherwise, I will punish you ... "

  
He left and I stayed in the middle of the hangar, perhaps for five minutes and I was unable to move.  
If any of those stupid doctors wrote to me that I was a paranoid schizophrenic, he was right now.

 

 

...

 

  
While the others eat the food in the common room, I got mine and hid in the control room next to the hangar. It was my home. My kingdom. My stash. People haven´t go there and the one who was in charge of it was me. I had all my tools here, repaired little things, and scrambled in the system. Sometimes, I was sleeping here. Nobody cares I have cigarettes in here, because there was enough ventilations in this room. Otherwise, it would overheat, and one of the ventilations was right next to my desk.  
It's going to be two months to work part-time on the bridge and I'm trying to clean up the coil that made a few viruses from Mitaka's computer. Then it just needed to introduce a few security programs and teach Mitaka what he was going to click and what not, which was perhaps the most difficult task.  
While I was on the bridge for two months, a dark shadow, named Hux, was behind me all the time. I felt he was following me at every step. This was the only place I felt safe. Every time I looked at him, he haven´t minded me knowing I was looking at him either. He wanted me to know. I began to ask myself if my militancy was not just a camouflage. If I'm not just a frightened little girl inside.  
I was allowed to make copies of several files from computers on the bridge. While I was eating the weird thing called soup, I played the files and read them. With the decoded programs, I made a diagnosis and tried to figure out how to use them when someone texted me on datapad.  
It was Joy. The girl I helped when one of the superiors harassed her. She was at some point in the corridors and adjusted the security systems we worked on. Suddenly, she wrote to me that she had come up there and glowed again. The report was clear and concise.

  
_,,He is here help please!!!!"_

  
I didn´t care that the dark shadow watching me was lurking out there. The girl needed help, and I hate it when somebody is bullying someone weaker.  
I turned off my computer and ran out of the technical room. Fortunately, I knew where Joy was moving. Drivers with a security system weren´t so many, and Joy could only be in one where they would hit her. I could think of it. I'd go to repait it by myself.  
The same floor, but only a few corridors far away. They were starting to be deserted because it started to be late, so I haven´t had to worry about paying too much attention. I ran around the corner, and in the distance I saw a small little figure in a black, slender working suit, and a tall lieutenant over her who seemed to be hurting her.  
The adrenaline rose in me and I ran at as fast as I could. Before he could look back I threw him to the ground and slammed my elbow into his jaw. Joy screamed, but she didn´t take it anymore.

  
,,Get out of here until someone will find you!" I sighed at her.She nodded and without hesitation, she vanished.

  
I picked myself up to follow her, but he grabbed my leg and pulled me back to the ground.

,,You're not going anywhere, you bitch!"

  
I kicked my leg and rumbled, but he suddenly pulled the blaster out and pointed it at me. I swallowed and completely stopped breathing.

  
,,Don´t move," he whispered angrily, blood flowing from his mouth.

  
I obeyed. I didn´t know what he was capable of, but I didn´t want to believe he would shoot me, even if I was only a private. It would be bad. I haven´t seen a desperate guy like this.  
He stood up, and I half sat and lay on the ground, trying to make at least small tiny movements and not to make more of it. His hand was shaking as he gripped the blaster.

  
,,What does he see in you?" He said suddenly.

  
I opened my mouth to ask him calmly what he meant, but nothing came of me. Somewhere inside I knew what he meant, but at that moment it didn´t come to my mind. Not at that moment of crisis.

  
,,What does he see in you? He ... and you. On ... such a little girl! "

  
He tapped more, and I began to suspect that it wouldn´t last long and he would shoot. I had to react. He leaned toward me, and the blaster held close to me so that I could think of nothing else than kick it out of his hand. And it did. His blaster fell of his hand. But then he swung his other fist and hit me in face. I didn´t hear the crunch, but my blood began to roll out of my nose. Another my kick went straight to his stomach. He dropped to the ground and it was enough for me to stand on my feet and run down the hallway back to the hangar. I hoped he would give up, but I heard behind me his voice.

  
,,Come back! Don´t run away from me! "

  
I ran and barely caught my breath. The blood flowed so much that I hadn´t wiped it in my sleeve and almost started to give it up. My head was tangled several times, and I struck the wall and left blood behind. But I heard his steps behind me. I couldn´t stop.  
I ran into the hangar and looked for a chance to go further. He will find me everywhere. I can´t hide here. There wasn´t time to run into the technical room, even though it had a lock. It was too risky. There was nothing, only a chance to hide in one of the TIE fighters.  
I ran into one of them and slipped in. Just so I ended up closing down and he ran inside. I bent so he couldn´t see me and try to calm down. I let the blood fall in my sleeve and breathe as quietly as possible. Despite the closed door I couldn´t hear him, but I felt his presence.  
He was somewhere out there. I hoped he would give up and just leave, but in his eyes I was now a threat. I didn´t understand why. Who would have believed me? Or he just wanted to beat out his anger. Joy ran away, and I only stayed. Perfect victim.  
I didn´t know how to defend him. He had a blaster and I just bare hands. There was nothing in the TIE fighter to use against him. All I had to do was to hope he will leave.  
My heart beat wasn´t calmer. On the contrary, it seemed to me that it had risen. I have heard nothing but the heartbeat. I felt deaf and blind. And I hardly even felt it when the TIE fighter door suddenly opened and somebody grabbed my leg.

  
,,Blood is everywhere you ran."

  
I wasn´t able to scream, but tryied to fight.But any attempts to kick or hit him to face were in vain, and I stepped down from the TIE fighter and I fell hard on the ground. It seemed to me that I had hit my head, the earth swung with me, and I couldn´t even stand my hands and get up, and he shifted to my back and knelt at me.

  
,,Just try something and burn a hole in you ! " he growled angrily.  
Even if I wanted to, it wasn´t possible.

  
,,You've been making trouble for quite time now. I can´t understand how he can tolerate all this. And you're still trying to hide yourself for being mentally disturbed! "  
None of what he was saying was true, maybe except the first part.Doctors and the other lieutenants thought the rest just to get rid of me.

  
,,I wish to choke you to death right now, but he would kill me for that. So I can just give you a little lesson to teach you for the next time if you try to sneak around where you shouldn´t have to. And anyway, I think there was no virus and you are just trying to make us stupid, you bitch! "

  
I waited for what would follow. The first punch came to my face. My jaw hurt and I bit into my tongue. Otherwise his punches weren´t so strong.  
Then he stood up and started kicking into me. In the belly, the back, ... he stamped at my hand and foot few times and kicked my shin. He kicked me so hard that I turned several times on my hips and then on my stomach. When I lay back on my back, he puched me a few times in my collarbone and once again in my face.  
With every hit that came, my eyes dimmed. I could remember anything. Any thing, activity, ... any name but the only thing that appeared in my head was Hux. As he attacked me, I did not know, but it seemed to me that I saw the name from despair. As if I had begged him for help by telepathy. It sounded weird.  
He didn´t hurt me so much. I had nothing broken in my face, but I had a torn eyebrow and a lip, and I waited for my body to be bruised. But I couldn´t catch my breath, shivering uncontrollably. I don´t know what it was, but I was talking to myself that it wasn´t fear.  
I tried to breathe, but it wasn´t possible. Every faint tingle hurt and I realized I had a broken rib. I lay on my side, holding my head under my arm. I didn´t want him to see me crying.  
I heard him breathe heavily. I was wondering if this is another of those perverts who beat the woman and it turns them on. And I wasn´t wrong.

  
,,I think it would be good with you ..." he chuckled, "but you're not exactly my type."

  
He leaned back to me again, and I rolled back into the ball, even though it terribly hurt.

  
,,Then explain me, what does he see in you?"

  
I felt his breat on me and it made me sick. I wished to fall unconscious, but not to hear or feel him.

  
,,Why you? Such a little stupid girl....just a private ... "

  
Suddenly he got up and pulled away. He let me lie in the middle of a hangar in a small pool of blood, tears and saliva that I spit when I was sick of my stomach.  
Because of my breath, I couldn´t give myself a faint sob. I could just let the tears run over my face and wait until morning if this bloke of misfortune would anyone find and help it.  
My requests for unconsciousness have been heard.

 

 

...

 

  
They didn´t find me in the morning, but an hour later. Joy went looking for me as soon as she found out that I hadn´t come back. She called a couple of stormtroopers whose numbers I don´t remember and helped me to go to the medbay, where Captain Phasma appeared. In the morning when I woke up, Lieutenant Mitaka was here to my misfortune.  
The medical doctor was just cleaning my wounds when Mitaka was screaming at me.

  
,,This already exceeds all the limits! Not only you refuse to obey the rules and you behave inappropriately but this? "

  
I had my eyes closed all the time, counting, and pray for anyone to give me a strength to not kill him right here.

  
,,Lieutenant, please! Could you leave? She has faster heartbeat, and I think it's just because of you! ",doctor screamed and he angrily left.

  
I was tired and I breathed badly. Shaking all the time. The idea that I would have to face another superiors was like a nightmare to me. It scared me. I wanted to go back to my small room and stay there.  
I got a lot of analgesics. I was told to rest, but they haven´t given me any sleeping pills yet. That's because of other doctors, I was definitely not excited about. But it weren´t just them who enter the room, but also the last person I'd be waiting for.

  
,,General, do you realize that a person like her can be very dangerous? Look at her. "

  
I turned away from them and stared at the wall beside me. I didn´t want to see them or talk to them. I wanted to sleep.

  
,,She has a self-destructive and violent inclination. Apparently she has been scolded with somebody, but her wounds do not prove she defend herself, which only suggests she is really self-destructive. She raises conflicts and is manipulative. One lieutenant confided that she had struck him last night and scolded him. Worse, she refuses to communicate. We can ask her anything, but she's just silent and she's avoiding eye contact. "

  
I wanted to scream so bad. I hate them all. They had the ultimate power and I couldn´t do anything about it.

  
,,Have you been thinking she doesn´t want to talk to you?" Hux asked suddenly, bored.  
The doctor didn´t say anything.

  
,,Get out," he said calmly.  
The doctor just stammered, but Hux just raised his voice impatiently.

  
,,Out! Everyone!"

  
The door closed and I was left alone in the room. And I definitely didn´t like it. I didn´t feel any profound friendship.  
He walked slowly to the table opposite me and leaned on it. He was watching me for a long time, but I refused to look at him any longer. I had such dryness in my throat that I had to swallow a few times. Every bruise on my body was painful. I felt small and helpless. Issued to all these arrogant men.

  
,,You are angry ... You literally shake from rage, but you are also scared. Are you afraid of me?"

  
His voice tried to get into my head. I closed my lips and held my eyelids shut. I didn´t want to look at him. I felt sick. The fact that I heard him laugh made all things worse. I've never been afraid of any man, but only this one probably ...

  
,,Do you know what I like about you? That elsewhere you are so strong and fearless, but you look so fragile and innocent when I am with you. "

He stood only a short distance from me. I found myself moving away slightly.

  
,,He beated you up nicely. I know very well who. I could punish him somehow, but ... was he really the one who needed it? In part, yes. He was abusing that technician, but let's face that you were not a good girl either. "

  
He raised his hand, and then I thought nothing more than he was going to hit me. I nodded slightly to look at him. He just smiled. Instead, he removed his gloves and laid them on the deck next to me. Then he put one hand on my thigh. I hated it when someone touched me. His palm was so hot, and I felt a faint sob at my throat.

  
,,I like the fact that only I can tame you."

  
I didn´t want to cry again. I wanted to do something else ... but it was nothing that I was proud of. I knew very well what this guy could do to me. Anything ... absolutely anything. He could kill me if he wanted to.

  
,,No, I do not want to..." I whispered shakily.

  
,,Maybe you don´t know about it, but you need it. You can´t do it yourself ... I guess those doctors just write some stupid things about you, but you know very well that you need it. You need someone like me. You can do more than you think. "

  
He put his other hand on my shoulder and slid it under my shirt. His fingers crossed my bones over the bruises, and his other hand moved across my waist to the chest.

  
,,You just need to listen to me ... Just me ..."

  
He pushed me to the broken ribs so hard that I screamed. The hand he had on my collarbone grabbed my neck and pushed me into the deckchair. My whole body ached and I was beginning to have a real fear.  
He leaned over to me. I felt his breath as well as the lieutenant last night. But this was more frosty.

  
,,You will listen to me, is it clear to you?" He hissed, and there was nothing left but a nod.

  
,,I promise ... I promise," I whispered.

  
If he really wanted to see me crawling under him, he did it, and his eyes clearly told how much he liked to see me like this. I was so angry, but I was afraid too.

  
,,If you won´t do what I say, I'll lock you up into the darkest place on the Finalizer. To my quarters... And believe me, no one will miss you here. I'll take care of that. "  
I caught him around his wrist and tried to force him to release the grip. No consequence.

  
,,Please, Hux ... please ... help me."

  
I didn´t understand why I said the last sentence, but it came to me that I knew it from somewhere. At the moment when that lieutenant was beating me, I had this sentence deep in my head, and now I finally said it loud. And before him ...

  
,,Exactly. Only I can help you. You can hide your fear, but it will always stay inside you. You have learned ... I know so. "

  
When he let me go and left, I played the whole conversation in my head for as long as I haven´t slept all night. Not only because of it, but also because I was terribly horrified he will come back. Something told me that he knew very well what was going on in the hangar before they found me there.

_You won, General ... I'm weak._

 

 

...

 

  
What if I've become obedient in the last few months? No way.  
Captain Phasma was pleased with me when I wanted to fight more and more in training. Bruises, wounds, ... I haven´t cared about anything. It was like a therapy for me. The possibility to discharge the anger and all the negative feelings I have held within myself.  
Since the incident in the hangar, a few lieutenants have begun to allow me more than before. I couldn´t defend myself physically, but I ignored them. I didn´t know when and where the general had his eyes to watch me and then punish me for behaving aggressively. Once I stepped onto the bridge, I didn´t say a word. Not a single look given to anyone. Whatever anyone talked to me, I didn´t listen. The only person I listened to and watched behind the grave was General Hux. And he really enjoyed it ... Especially every night when he called me to him. Report, progress made by doctors who haven´t change anything about my mental health. But that's what he wanted.

  
,,So you´re still not talking to anyone ... good ... very good."

  
I stood straight and motionless. Without any emotions.

  
,,You are beautiful. Very kind. Come to me."  
It's nothing terrible. I kept repeating it in my head. He won´t do anything to me. I was a good girl.  
I walked slowly toward him and shook as he took me around my waist and pulled himself to embrace me.

  
,,You're shaking. It will be fine. If you listen to me, you don´t have to be scared of me. "  
All I needed was to hug him. It wasn´t so bad at last. I felt the threat, but also the sympathy. Something inside him calmed me and knew me. I didn´t know why or how.

  
,,I want you ... I want you so much ..."  
I was hoping that some day I will show him that I am not afraid of him and that he doesn´t own me. But I guess the doctors were right.

  
,,You like when I am hurting you, don´t you?" He whispered licked my neck.

  
_From no one else ... just from him._

_But there is that feeling._

_Fear..._


End file.
